Buoyant Billionaire's Body Benefits Recovery Effort

ABF Newswire: April 04, 2026

Third attempt at a watercolor of a gloomy Shetland seaside picture I found in a Shetland knits book. This one done in a watercolor book and spans both the left and right pages. Still didn't capture the gloomy overcast scene. I did get to use a new lavender color for the sky in all versions, which was fun.

Image Credit: My Id and Ego.

Look, mah! I can use both pages! Still drawing. Though the left and right rocks, even with the dark lines I added for definition (drawing, again), look a bit better than the previous two versions. That right middle rock is still a turd. Yes. And there's noticeable brush stroke marks all over which indicates something amiss. Maybe wetter brush and bigger, more confident strokes. Is that so difficult? Apparently, because here are three examples where I couldn't figure out how to soften certain things. Like the rolling hills in the back that should fade into the sky. That didn't happen. Squint! Shut up.

WEST COAST, WASHINGTON. April 04, 2026 (ABF Newswire) Cynthia Weber and Remi Martin, two environmental science graduate students from the local university, were on a research skiff off the coast of Washington. They were testing a new AI drone piloting system which autonomously commands an aerial surveillance drone to help with ecological studies. Today, the two were testing the AI's capability with coastal erosion imagery. The test was mostly a success except for an accidental death.

"We were about a hundred yards off the shore and launched the drone with instructions to image one mile up and down the coast from our current position," shared Remi. "We didn't realize a passing yacht would trigger a glitch in the AI's system."

Captain Merrill Stubing was driving the yacht when the incident occurred.

Second attempt at a watercolor of a gloomy Shetland seaside picture I found in a Shetland knits book. This version is of a smaller portion of the photo and includes only the right seaside rocky short in the bottom right and rolling hills in the background.

Image Credit: My Id & Ego.

Better. Less splotchy marks and a bit more painting. I still have a lot of work to do with blending. And learning how to make the watercolor do what I want. It's mostly guesswork at this point, isn't it? What happens if I do this? Yadda yadda yadda. I'd think that smooth, flowing brush strokes would be a natural extension of holding a brush and applying it to paper. For some reason, I still try to draw. I don't know why. I'm not squinting enough. That's a dumb comment. Not applicable. That fucking rock in the middle right keeps showing up like a turd that won't flush. I have a way with words. Sad.

"We were headed back to port from a routine cruise and a crew member triggered the man-overboard alert," recounted Captain Stubing. "We immediately called in search and rescue and were unable to locate the body ourselves. There are some strong rip currents and undertow at our location which didn't help."

"The AI is a bit of a black box," added Cynthia. "We're unsure what, exactly, went wrong with the software. Our best guess right now is it mistook the man on the bow of his yacht as a point of interest and flew the drone down for a closer look. I guess I'd fall off a boat, too, if a drone came rushing at me from out of nowhere"

News of the death was celebrated by the local community. The deceased’s super PAC spent millions to dismantle the Forest Service, ensuring that environmental protections would no longer block his expansion of a private residential compound. By weakening regulations on land use, deforestation, and habitat preservation, he secured the right to annex protected land for his estate. Local communities weren't please with the deforestation, displaced wildlife, and restrictions around ublic access to parks. Compounding the loss, the cost of mitigating the environmental damage fell on taxpayers, while the deceased expanded his compound on the land of the common people.

First attempt at a watercolor of a gloomy Shetland seaside picture I found in a Shetland knits book. This version has most of the pieces from the photo: rocky shoreline in the front left and right of the frame, and rolling hills in the background. Water is a deep blue gray, though I didn't capture the dreary as well as I hoped.

Image Credit: My Id & Ego.

If I squint, it looks better. Don't they all look better with a bit of blurred vision? At the moment, yes. Yes they do. I think my hesitation with the brush leads me to do these dab-dab-dab marks which make for a messy work. Squint harder! What was that Point Break quote by Swayze? "Fear causes hesitation and hesitation will cause your worse fears to come true." This isn't skydiving nor big-wave surfing, silly.

Recovery was complete in a few hours. The body, extra buoyant from internal gas, was found gently bumping against shoreline rocks during the calm tide. A slow game of hot potato. Apparently, the deceased was a fan of meal replacements, like the Soylent meal replacement drink, which can cause increased gas and bloat.

Rescuer Emery Page was pleased with the outcome. "It's always nice to recover a fresh body. Too long in the brine and, well, a body gets nasty. Things slough off."