A Penthouse Swim Turns to a Swan Dive From the Top Story of a Downtown High Rise
New York, New York, March 26, 2026 (ABF Newswire) The penthouse infinity pool gave it's owner one last peaceful swim before it succumbed to a bullet and gave up its contents to the night sky and the courtyard below.
Per the police investigators, about 9pm this evening, a man went for a swim in his penthouse rooftop pool. A large caliber bullet fired from an unknown location shattered the pool's tempered glass exterior, and out dumped thousands of gallons of water, countless dull pebble-sized pieces of glass, and one body down 74 floors to the building's courtyard. Death by rapid accidental deceleration with an immovable object.
Murphy Solis, the doorman present at the time of the incident, was excited to share his version of the events.
"I'm about two hours into my shift and, bam! A shower of water and glass comes down right in front of me. That was kind of neat. The splat of the body, not so much." He continued, excited, "You ever see the animated show Archer? There's an episode where the main character is in Texas or Mexico or some place. He's supposed to take out the engine block of a vehicle of their target. Anyway, at one point he says something like “I'm spooning a Barrett .50-cal. I could kill a building.”" He chuckles to himself. "Maybe the shooter was an Archer fan."
The deceased, a chairman of a Manhattan-based luxury residential development firm responsible for towers constructed across New York and Miami, accessed the penthouse of his tower after an evening hosting a philanthropy event, "The Annual Benefit Luncheon for Equitable Access to Residential Opportunity". The event helps fund lobbying groups that ensure affordable housing policy is never actually reformed.
This building along with most of the developer's others, were not built for people who needed housing. They were built as investment vehicles where units were sold to overseas holding companies, family offices, and shell corporations as a place to park money. Most of the units in the towers remain unoccupied as tenants weren't necessary for the business model.
"I wonder what'll clean up this mess first," mused Murphy, "the pigeons and rats, or whatever dead body cleaning service the city uses? Or maybe the C.H.U.D."