Neighborhood Molotov Cocktail Stand a Success. Billionaire Speaking Event Canceled.
CALIFORNIA, January 28, 2026 (ABF Newswire) A neighborhood Molotov Cocktail stand hosted by a couple of local children was a hit with residents. Under the warm morning sun, friends Joey Trevonte and Aiden Howe erected the stand with an original intention of selling lemonade. When they overheard their parents talking about the small motorcade of wealthy CEOs that were to pass through the neighborhood on the way to a speaking engagement at the local civic center, the boys changed their plan to the fiery concoctions.
Even though it was a couple of hours after the conflagration, Joey was barely able to contain his excitement when reporters asked him about the incident.
"That was awesome!" exclaimed Joey. "I've never seen cars on fire and it was better than a video game."
Margaret Burnett, a local resident who patronized the stand, was impressed with the boys' initiative. "Those boys sold a fine product. The bottles were sized just right for my wheelchair's cup holder."
"I haven't had so much fun in, I can't remember, how long!" she beamed.
Local Evangelical youth pastor, Rory Patterson, praised the children's entrepreneurial enterprise. "It's important to support our youth," he said. "And the Old Testament God would totally dig this."
There were no survivors of the two black Cadillac Escalades that were engulfed by a hail of combustible liquids and flame. Investigators ruled the incident an accidental immolation. No charges were filed.
Local tow truck driver from HB Towing, Hector Blair, wasn't as elated as those who participated in the cocktail party. "It's a pain in the ass to tow burned out vehicles. But we got it done. Need to keep those 5-star reviews going, ya know?"
One of the CEOs, head of an AI company that specializes in workforce automation, and the other, a head of a leading surveillance company, were to speak to a sold-out audience of executives at the local civic center. The engagement, "Increase Profits Through Worker Surveillance and Automation", was canceled.